I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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