How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
