I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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