I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
