Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
