just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
