..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
