My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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