Your dad touched me again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
