went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
