I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
