I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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