I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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