____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
