Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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