just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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