strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
