Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
