sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize