We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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