guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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