you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
