It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
