I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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