wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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