so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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