I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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