Please, let me fuck your mom
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize