i just had sex bonerless
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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