Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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