There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
