Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
