when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
