pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
