Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
