My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
being pregnant is like rehab
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
