I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
