What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
