I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
