people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
