i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
