Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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