Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
