There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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