i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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