Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Terrible idea I love it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
