I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
