I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
