who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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