DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
