If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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