addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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