Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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