Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize