you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
