you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
