Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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