ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
