i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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