Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
