Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
