The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And the cops told us we were all naked.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
no more duck duck goose at the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
